I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
