I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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