My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
