I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
