Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
