I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
