I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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