I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
