WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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