i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
