A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
