sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
