We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
