The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
