getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
