Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
