In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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