I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
