I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize