Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
