Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
