Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
