is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
