Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
