just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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