Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
