You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
