He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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