Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
