The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
