ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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