Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
