ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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