why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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