Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
