no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
