I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
