What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
