Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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