So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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