dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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