I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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