so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
one might say we're banned from that church
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
