My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
