let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
