You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
