you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
