I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
