Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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