he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
