So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize