just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
