youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
