when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
