Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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