just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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