margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
