Pants 0. Shit 1.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
