It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
