that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
