There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
